November 3, 2009

“God doesn’t like ugly.”

frog

yeah, never give up!

though it was a long time coming, good prevailed over evil. in this case, i’m the good and whole foods in durham, north carolina, is the very, very, very evil. I prevailed by fighting a good, honest fight and on Halloween, found out that the previous determination made by the unemployment commission would be overturned; i would be receiving unemployment compensation!!!

if you’ve been following my blog, you know that i’ve had the summer from hell. in order: my mother, the most important person in my WORLD, died from a rapid bout of cancer on june 8, 2009, i suffered an excruiating herniated lumbar disc on june 17, i was pretty much on bed rest for a good portion of the summer, got fired for this injury on august 3, but did not find out i was fired until i received my COBRA packet in the mail on august 22. i filed for unemployment on august 24,  found out it was denied sometime more than a month later, appealed the decision of course, had the first appeals hearing october 15, when the hearing was dismissed because whole foods didn’t send me their evidence against me until the morning of the hearing (which turns out was just a copy of the evidence i sent to them–really?? YOUR evidence was MY evidence?? wtf.), and then finally had the second appeals hearing on october 30, 2009.

now, i was originally determined as not eligible to recceive unemployment because the UC said i was fired for “misconduct” because i didn’t return to work after my medical emergency leave ended on august 3, 2009. MISCONDUCT?? me?? little miss goodie two shoes?? i’ve never done any MISCONDUCT in my life. the bad girl inside of me who is just itching to come out sometimes, wants to practice some misconduct, but  i never let her. so yes, of course i was going to appeal that decision. then, during the 2nd hearing the other day, the hearing officer was like, “let’s just see if we can have both sides agree that cherie was terminated and not voluntarily resigned.” well, i agreed, of course–they terminated my ass and never looked back. way to kick a girl when she’s down, whole foods!! but their third part rep, who i pictured to be a heavyset black woman shaking her finger and snappin’ her neck, was like, “oh no she wasn’t. she voluntarily resigned.”

WHAT? WHAAAAT? at that point, i pretty much mentally removed myself from caring anymore. Whole foods had been so, so dirty to me throughout this entire year–beginning with chasing me to accept the job in the first place, pretty much promising a promotion to assistant customer service team leader, and then not promoting me by choosing a tattooed, pierced female version of the customer service team leader who had less management experience than i, and telling me that i didn’t get the job on the same day that i found out my mom had cancer mind you, while sitting on a bench behind the store and blowing cigarette smoke in my face.  I just can’t make this shiznit up.

i stated my case, they stated theirs and the hearing officer asked us questions. we went back and forth for about 45 minutes (this was all via telephone). i made my closing argument, which was worthy of a scene from law and order, thank you, and had to hope for the best, but not expect it. i could not physically return to work on august 3rd. i was not medically released by my doctor, and was explicitly told by whole foods payroll and benefit specialist, kevin, that i could not return until medically released to do so. had i broken that rule, THAT would have been misconduct. i was simply following his, whole food’s and my doctor’s orders. afterall, unemployment is reserved for those that lose their job through no fault of their own–and this was not my fault. it really almost made me sick just to hear kevin’s voice actually. a year ago, while having me sign all of my pre-employment HR papers, he was so nice and jovial, but now turned into this monster fighting to keep me from getting money to pay my mounds of medical bills. what a difference a year makes.

anyhow, Halloween morning was like Christmas. instead of going to look for presents under the tree, i ran to my computer and looked at my bank account online. and there it was; my rightfully earned money that was due to me. i think this was the first time in all of my years that i cried because i was happy. it wasn’t just money that was there before me. it was the sympathy card that whole foods never sent to me when my mom died. it was a bouquet of get well flowers that also never came while i was lying in my bed in agony. it was tuition for me to go back to school. it was the ability to get heat for my old car. it was a way to pay my medical bills that just keeping piling. and it was the biggest, warmest hug from my mommy telling me that it was okay, she was still watching over me, wouldn’t let anything happen to me even if she couldn’t physically be here any more, and it was the words she always uttered when somebody had been doing something dirty to mess with us, “God doesn’t like ugly.”

my lessons? the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. i left harris teeter because whole foods had this reputation of being one of the best 100 companies to work for. BS!!!!  everything and everyone was more genuine at harris teeter. before you take a pay cut, make sure you REALLY think it over. i thought i’d be getting a promotion to cover the money i was missing. i trusted my bosses and their basic winking at me about how i was a shoe-in to get the job. BIG MISTAKE. money isn’t everything, but yeah, it’s pretty close to it. never, never give up. when i found out that i was denied for unemployment, i could have just stopped there. but i knew i was in the right. i knew i hadn’t done anything wrong, and deserved that money. i wasn’t going to sit back and let the big corporation win over on the little person again. i fought them and i won. because i never gave up. 

good cherie 1, evil whole foods, 0.

October 29, 2009

beaver county, pa, rocks because….

beaver

yay!! i love beaver county, too!!

          as i previously mentioned, my recent trip to the fabulous beaver county, pa, was awesome. these trips home are never without fun, drama, tears, excitement, wonder, anger, shock, bliss, good food, highs, lows, adult beverages, my favorite people in the world, solace and assholes. yes, all of those things somehow end up making it the most fabulous vacation i could ever take, controlled chaos and all. so, whilst i would love to write blog entry after blog entry about each of my individual trials and tribulations over the past 21 days, i haven’t the time. so…i’m going to just make general observations and statements about anything that comes to mind concerning the trip. some may make sense to you, some none at all, some may be about someone you know or someones like them, and some are going to make me think “you’re so vain, i bet you think this statement is about you, don’t you, don’t you, don’t you…” ahem, here we go:

  • During the 9 hours up and the 9 hours back down, it is in those solo moments when I realize that I am a decent singer that can belt it out to just about any type of music. Whether I’m twanging along singing about my Friends in Low Places, fighting back tears as I’m trying to get down to the Heart of the Matter, thrust back to my past with D’yer M’ker, laughing and knowing that yes, you Do Wish Your Girlfriend Was Hot Like Me, or rocking out to Crazy Bitch, I am so thankful for the miles I have to really appreciate all types of music and what those songs have meant to me throughout my life.
  • I enjoy my stops halfway through my trip to visit my sister in DC. I feel so out of touch with my family living far away from them, that it’s nice to at least hang with my big sis for day. I always look forward to dinner at Lauriol Plaza in Adams Morgan and laughing and laughing at our conversations. I never stay for long though because I’m either in a rush to get to PA, or a rush to get back to NC to see the hubby. But she’s always welcome to visit me down here! :-)
  • You really can’t go home again, as they say. Well, you can, but it’s extremely different than it was as you may remember. I swear I spent the first part of the trip wishing it was like it once was, but then had to quickly learn to get over that. Most people say you shouldn’t visit and wear out your welcome for more than 3 days–I stayed for 3 WEEKS. So yeah, my dad was definitely ready for me to go by then! Haa!!
  • Brad wins the award for the best pick up line ever–If a girl says to you, “You smell good. What do you have on?” The guy should then say back to her, “Well, I have a hard-on, but I didn’t know you could smell it.” If the girl laughs, she is a keeper for sure.
  • My parent’s house is just not the same without my mother in it. I thought, for that reason, that I’d be very uncomfortable there. But surprisingly, it was just the opposite–I was super calm at home and have slept better there than I have the entire summer since she’s been gone. While she’s not there physically, her spirit was definitely there and kept a safe watch over me. It was very hard to come home from a night out and not have her greet me from the couch at 2am or randomly call me during one of my errands to question my whereabouts. But I know she was there–looking at the clock when I came home late or frowning when I took a trip to the city for the day. ;-)
  • Whatever healthy eating plan I’m on before the trip home inevitably goes on hiatus during my trip. I cannot resist the lure of Kendrew’s wings, cans of Coors Lights at Tim and Jonee’s, a meatball sub from Big Al’s Deli, pizza from Breezy’s, donuts from Mac’s, or a Smiley Cookie from Eat ‘n Park.
  • I am mostly sensibly about money. This, however, goes right out the window when I’m at Mountaineer Racetrack and Gaming Resort in Chester, WV. It’s a short 45 minute drive from my parent’s house and it’s one of my favorite places in the entire world. I could drive there with my eyes shut, I could spend eight hours there in the same chair playing Keno (and i have done this so i know it to be true), and I always believe that the next time I push that button, I’m gonna hit the big one. I go there as much as I can while I’m home and don’t want to leave once I get there. I even know what’s going on there when I’m not there–tonight, for instance, is Country Kareoke, from 8pm to 11pm. If I had a teleporting time machine, I’d beam my ass there right now.
  • I love Walmart. But my hometown Walmart in Monaca, PA, is THE best one that there is. No special reason–it just is. Okay, it may be because of the mullets I see that always bring a smile to my face, or the sea of Steelers merchandise, or that it’s like a mini high school reunion every time I go–I never fail to see someone I knew from back in the day. I love that place and always compare any and all Walmarts to it.
  • The accent. It’s almost orgasmic for me. I don’t know what it is about the Beaver County/Pittsburgh/Western PA accent, but it just does something to me. I’m getting hot just thinking about it now. It beats a Southern, Brittish, Scottish, or Bostonian accent any day.
  • I love my bff Jonee. I met the girl in 1982 in kindergarten and it’s been one awesome time after another ever since. The girl’s been there for me through so much in my life and always will be. She’s the type of friend that I could call at 4am with an emergency and she’d selflessly help me through it. She’s my partner in crime and eeriely just like me. And I’ve grown to equally love her hubby Tim as well cuz he rocks. I spend 90% of my time with them when I go home because they’re just so awesome!!
  • I also love my other friends that I can only see when I’m back home. Shayna, Heather, Brooke, and Nadia were just fabulous gems to hang out with while I was there and I miss them already.
  • No matter how long I’m there, I somehow manage to not get to see everyone that I want to see–so Colleen, Jamar, Marisa, Becky, and anyone else I’m forgetting–here’s to next time!!
  • I learned that certain members of my sorority had certain trash talk aimed my way. I kinda knew, but now I really know. Hahaha, it makes me laugh. Actually, I’m glad to have been the topic of your conversation so much. If I pissed you off in anyway whilst living my life and just being me, then that’s even better!! And thanks to the little birdie that filled me in!
  • I didn’t want to meet Ella. It was way too soon. It wasn’t right to just spring her on me like that. I know you already had the best (even if you didn’t know), so it’s hard to go up from there, but jeeze.
  • One of the things I did manage to learn from my daddy was how not to get attached. So, I’m attached to very few things or people in this world. I’m great at pretending though. I deserve an Oscar.
  • You’re good. But she’s good and may beat you at your own game. I’d be careful of reaping what you sow if I were you.
  • I will never get tired of watching Steelers coverage. It is on the TV around the clock back at home. The Mike Tomlin Show?? Black and Gold Zone?? I mean, how great is that? I’m going through mad withdrawal right now…
  • I can play poker! I was pretty good, too. Shannon’s rum and pineapple juices may have had something to do with it. I know how to bluff well. Bluffing works outside of the game of poker, too, just so you know.
  • Bikini’s has no salt. Mental note–next time I go, bring salt. Oh, and the machines in the back are looser than Mountaineer’s–another mental note–play the machines at Bikini’s more!!
  • I am loud. My voice carries. Haahahahaha, oops.
  • I had fun at Remember the Trojans. Pretty much all of my former classmates look the same but they act better. They’re nicer and it was refreshing. Also I learned that old white men that graduated from my high school have jungle fever. They don’t want anyone to know, which is why I was groped in the crowd. But as I said more than once over my stay in Beaver County, “Once you go black…” hahahahahahahahaha. ;-)
  • Ann–you were the bestest of best friends to my mom. Thank you so much for that. I had a good time visiting with you and talking about mommy. And please do what you said you’d do if you see my dad’s new girlfriend wearing my one of my mom’s furs. Haa!
  • Parties at Tim and Jonee’s rock. I’m seriously gonna need to see some rolling down the hill action the next time I come home. AND ghetto pong. For real.
  • Lady bugs in other people’s apartments are funny. Until it happens to you.
  • People suck sometimes. They’ll do exactly what you’d thought they do and confirm the fact that they truly are just not decent human beings.  And then other people are just awesome and will totally suprise you. You will see that you’ve been all wrong about them and are missing out on their awesomeness, and they’re  not who you thought they were, but in a good way. And these people can all live in the same set of apartment buildings  co-existing with each other. Hmm, crazy.
  • I miss my waterbed. But once I got used to the new bed and the electric blanket, I was like, “What waterbed?”
  • I met a guy at the Polish Club in Midland that looked like Ben Roethlisberger. Jonee actually told him that, “My friend thinks you look like Ben Roethlisberger. She’s IN LOVE with Ben Roethlisberger.”  So yeah, I of course couldn’t look at him the rest of the night. Thanks, bff Jonee.
  • My hubby missed one hell of a trip home.  I missed him. I don’t know if he would have thought it was one hell of a trip home. But the next time I go home, I’m taking him with me. He will not like to be kidnapped and held at the casino against his will, I don’t know if he will enjoy sitting on Jonee’s couch as much as I, and he may not partake in the rolling down of the hill at Tim’s next party. But he will gladly munch on the wings at Kendrew’s, pep me up when I’m sad about my mom, and keep me from getting into too much trouble. :-)

Okay, there’s so much more, but I had to stop. In a nutshell, I heart Beaver County, and I can’t wait to go back soooooooooon!!

October 27, 2009

Hey, it worked for Dorothy…

shoes

I've got a feeling I'm not in Pittsburgh anymore...

Oh my happy little blog. How I missed you! I do apologize for my absence. I wasn’t trying to ignore this blog or my other one, life and the oreo girl. I had every desire to detail my trip from start to finish, as it was all unfolding, but I simply was in a far away land without Internet access…this land of which i speak is Beaver County, Pennsylvania, a quick 27 minutes from Pittsburgh. okay, yes, the BC does have the Internet, but it’s not widely available. the only starbucks in the friggin’ town doesn’t even have it!! my dad doesn’t have it at his house either, so i had to rely on the help of my neighbors to allow me to “borrow” it from them. but to “borrow” it, i had to either sit on the front upstairs porch when the east wind would blow in just the right angle to send me a signal, or crouch in the doorway of that same porch with my laptop half hanging out onto the stoop. this was not comfortable and not an ideal way to get creative and in the mood to write, especially when BC weather would strike–and strike it did as it always does. i spent three weeks in my lovely hometown, and yeah, that’s why i hadn’t chronicled my exciting times in darn near a month. but i’m baaaaaaaaaack.

well, i’m physically back. mentally, i’m mostly still there. as some wise transplanted pittsburgher once said, “you can take the girl out of pittsburgh, but you can’t take the pittsburgh out of the girl.” what little bits of the accent i picked up while there are sadly slipping away, but the past few days, i’ve made myself say, “dahntahn, stillers, n’at, or jeet jet” or toss in words like, “pop, gumband, slippy, crick, or jag off” to represent here in NC.

most of the people back home are trying to get out and i’d gladly flee NC in a heartbeat to move back. i think the happiest day of my life would be if mark came home and announced, “you know, i’m not really feeling north carolina anymore. why don’t we just move to the Pittsburgh area? Beaver County perhaps? we can invest in some decent winter coats, snow tires, shovels, umbrellas. i don’t need to see the sun more than 10 days a year anyway! pack your bags, honey, we’re moving to the BC!!”  but oh, that’s gonna happen the day peta hires michael vick as their new spokesperson. 

i think what i miss about the BC/Pittsburgh is the familiarity of it all. the bad-for-me-food, the bars, my family, the round-the-clock access to Pittsburgh Steelers updates/interviews/coverage, and my friends. MY FRIENDS!!!!! i forgot what it was like to have friends. i’ve never, ever had a shortage of friends like i do now. now, all i have is acquaintances. yes, some are very good acquaintances, but that’s it. there’s no one that i can call to go to the mall or grab a cup of coffee and no one that would do the same for me. there’s no one that i’d call with an emergency at 4am–that’s what a friend is. my friends in pa ROCK. THEY FRIGGIN’ ROCK!!! they’re there for me and actually care. not that fake caring-somewhat-give-a-crap-if-it’s-convenient caring either. yes, props to you PA peeps; you’re the real deal and i miss you!

okay, enough lamenting for my fun, zany and interesting times in PA…in my three weeks there i’ve compiled a great deal of subjects to discuss. and discuss them i shall, just not right now. now, it’s time for unpacking!!

September 26, 2009

sometimes, it’s the little things.

orla kiely bags are a little slice o' heaven. especially when they fit.

orla kiely bags are a little slice o' heaven. especially when they fit.

it’s true–this counting your calories and exercising thing really works. how do i know? for starters my purse fits. most normal people judge their weight loss achievements by the looseness of their pants, but not one to be conventional, i’m measuring  it differently–by my new orla kiely shoulder bag.

i ♥ this bag. and being unemployed, it’s a bit difficult to snag an orla kiely bag. so, i shopped around on ebay, talked the seller down from $65 to $40 and bought this used one. it’s fabulous. fab-u-lous!! but again, with no job, even $40 is a lot. so i got it for $8! EIGHT DOLLARS!!! how? well, i used the $32 bucks i made last month writing for eHow so I only had to add in $8. yes, yes, yes, i should have saved the $32 for a rainy day, but doggone it, it’s a designer bag!! and i had to sell my original one when times were tough…so this $8, more economical one was meant for me. :-) but i digress….yes, the weight loss….

anyhow, i bought the bag, knowing it was to be worn on the shoulder, and know that since i don’t have skinny arms, it was going to have to be a handbag. so i carted it around as such until the other day, when i was in my local co-op getting a few groceries. i was hemming and hawing over some baked chips and out of instinct, moved the bag to my shoulder. ohmigosh–it fit! it fit on my shoulder. and comfortably!! i was pretty psyched about this.  so thanks to alli, my hour long work outs, my resistance band arm reps and my healthy new way of eating, my purse fits!  oh happy day!

September 25, 2009

if you’re going through hell, keep going. WC

i also like, "speak softly and carry a big stick." but i'd get myself into trouble that way...

i also like, "speak softly and carry a big stick." but i'd get myself into trouble that way...

DENIED. yup. a month after waiting to hear back from the unemployment office, that was the decision. and now to start the appealing process. i’d like to take a moment to quote mr. winston churchill,

“Never, never, never, never give up.”

 

I’m not going to. That unemployment money is rightfully mine. I was injured through no fault of my own and I’m fighting it. I couldn’t return to work without a doctor’s note clearing me, and the doctor wouldn’t clear me to go back to work because I wasn’t phyically able to do work unless it was light duty. Whole Foods Market has no light duty. Catch 22 of all Catch 22’s. But i refuse to give up. I’m one little goldfish fighting a sea of substainally farmed sharks, but it’s worth it. I’m not letting the events of this summer be for nothing and I’m not giving up now. It’s on.

September 21, 2009

From Fat to PHat.

This is one of my eHow articles…How to Go from Fat to Phat. I’d like to thank Nurse Practitioner Murphy for the inspiration… ;-)

I'd also like to thank this treadmill girl for my inspiration.

I'd also like to thank this treadmill girl for my inspiration.

Phonetically, they are the same. But “fat” and “phat” carry very different meanings. I never realized just how much until a back injury sidelined me for three months over the summer. During a doctor’s appointment, the nurse practitioner referred to me as fat and not with a “ph.” Never hearing those words to describe me before, I knew it was time to kick it into gear and go from fat to phat. If you want to go from fat to phat—pretty hot and tempting, here’s how to do it.

Admit to yourself that yes, you are fat. This is very difficult to do and may be the hardest step of all. It’s not going to do yourself any good to keep pretending that you’re just carrying a few extra pounds, or that the lighting is making you look that way, or you can hide it with an all black outfit or some baggy clothes. It’s not self-hatred to declare yourself the “f-word.” It is a real eye-opening, self-awareness type of conversation you need to have with yourself and stop putting off. Look in the mirror, naked, and realize that you need to deal with what you see. Say good-bye to the self-pity, excuses, poor health, sedentary lifestyle and bad eating. And for one final time, say good-bye to the fat.

Turn the negative comments into your inspiration. For me, it was the nurse practitioner calling me fat four times within the span of a twenty minute exam. So now, with every step I take on the treadmill and every bite of grilled tilapia, I’m thinking of much closer I’m getting to my goal of going from fat to phat, and making her eat her words. I always have a mental picture of walking into her office a few months from now, thinner than she, and asking, “Who are you calling fat?” I may or may not do this, but her negative comments give me just the motivation I need to keep at it. For you, maybe it is a bully you want to amaze at your high school reunion, or make the jaws drop of the people in your social circle that called you “the fat friend.” Whatever it is, use the negative comments to your benefit, because looking good really IS the best revenge.

Get moving and get cooking. Sorry, but going from fat to phat is not going to happen overnight. The “phat fairy” is not going to come during the middle of the night, wave her wand and magically switch out the “f” for the “ph.” YOU have to do this part yourself; you have to seriously WANT to do it. And you guessed it—it comes down to the age old rule that to lose weight you need to exercise and eat healthy. They go hand in hand; don’t think that just because you spent half an hour on the treadmill, it’s okay to gobble down mounds of fried goodness. Along with the daily exercising, you should begin to cook your own meals to monitor what foods you’re ingesting. It won’t hurt to do some research with your doctor or a nutritionist to find out just how many calories you should be taking in to take off the weight. Remember, slow and steady wins the race—with exercise and a proper diet, you will go from fat to phat!

 

© Copyright Cherie L. Steffen All Rights Reserved 2009

September 16, 2009

*viewer discretion is advised*

aww, cute. but it won't look anything like this.

aww, cute. but it won't look anything like this.

as of two weeks today, i’ve been taking alli to aid in my weight loss. now, i don’t notice that the scale has budged at all, but i know for a fact that i’m finally eating the right foods and better portions of them. why? because i’m deathly afraid of the “treatment effects” striking at the wrong time and place.

 

the treatment effect, side effect in lamens terms, that is scaring me into healthy eating is a runny, oily, orange surprise in my pants. that’s right friends, if i don’t closely monitor my intake of fat grams with each and every meal, i will have explosive diarrhea. but sometimes it won’t be explosive; it will just ooze out slowly, run down my leg, and embarrass the shiznitz out of me. NO–this HAS NOT happened!! but it could. i’ve been reading a few horror stories about it online. one man was just sitting at an outdoor cafe eating his lunch, which he admitted was over the allowable fat grams, and *boom* the treatment effects made their debut for ALL to see. oh, the horrors!! but, unlike side effects that can be the result of taking some drugs, these are 100% preventable. if i eat well, stick to 15 grams of fat or less per meal, it won’t happen. i did test this to be sure–i believe i had close to 18 or so in one meal. albeit, it was just a meal of sushi, noodle soup and seven triscuits, but somehow, i must have gone over my limit. luckily, i was dining at home. shortly after the meal hit my tummy, like clockwork, there was a rumblin’. i won’t go into the gory details, but yeah, um, the poo is no joke. and yes, the oil is orange. okay, okay, tmi.

i’m not just relying on alli to do all of the work; i know it’s not a magic pill. i am working out on my treadmill for an hour each day and doing strength training with some tough resistance bands. but at least now, i’m very closely monitoring my calories and fats. i even keep a food diary to make sure i’m on track every day. it’s amazing–all the times before when i thought i was eating well, i really wasn’t. i was eating too much food. it was healthy food, but way too much of it. i’m controlling my portions and not even tempted to go for a second helping because i know how long i’ll have to work on that treadmill to burn it off.

and i know that oily stool is sooooo not attractive.

September 11, 2009

getting phatter and phatter every day.

yes. yes, i am.

yes. yes, i am.

oh yeah, where was i? that’s right, my doctor called me fat.

i went for a gyno appointment the other day, as the mister and i want to start family planning because my biological clock is ticking like this!! (picture me channeling marisa tomei and stomping my foot). as soon as the nurse called me to come behind the magical doorway, “sherrrry stevens?? sheeeerrrry?,” and i hopped on the scale i knew this was not going to be the best doctor’s visit ever. OH. MY. GOSH. i saw the number on the scale and i was taken aback. waaaaay back–back to december of  ‘08 before my hubby plopped down $400 to whittle me into shape.

i had lost a good bit of weight sometime between january ‘09 and may ‘09. but then it happened. the season-ending back injury, the herniated lumbar disc that sidelined me on june 18, ‘09, a mere EIGHT DAYS after my beloved mommy passed away from cancer.  hadn’t i had enough?? apparently not, because while i was mourning in mental pain, i then joined up with physical pain from my back. i checked out emotionally and stopped caring about how i looked. i couldn’t work out because most days i could barely move, and while sinking into a depression and self-pity, i befriended food. all kinds of food and super sized quantities of it.  and in the course of two to three months, i put back on all of the weight that it took me a half of a year to lose. had my mother been alive, she would have had no reservations in telling me that i “blew up”.  without her, i have no such person to make me wake up and see that i’ve put on the pounds. i didn’t until in walked my doctor.

“you can’t even think about having a baby until you get this weight off. you’re fat. you need to lose a good 25-30 pounds right now. i suggest weight watchers. you’re not healthy and your baby isn’t go to be healthy until you get rid of this fat.”  wow–she was totally telling me like it was. no sugar coating. no bedside manner. and worse, while she’s poking and prodding me, she says, “yeah, your uterus is a bit retroverted, but so what. lots of people’s are. i can feel it now, but of course it’s  more difficult to feel all around because this belly is in the way. get rid of this fat belly.” WOW. really?? what an awkward time and situation. i’m lying on my back, she’s digging all around and insults me again! way to kick a girl when she’s down!! but i needed it. i really did.

i went home and worked out that very day. i think i’d been scared i was going to reinjure my back, but i was more scared that i would never be able to have a baby, that i would forever be the “fat friend”, that i’d go home to a high school reunion and make jaws drop in all the wrong ways. the next day, i read up on weight watchers and got great tips. i also went and purchased alli, and made the tweaks in my diet that i should’ve a long time ago. it’s been a week, and i’ve increased my workouts from 30 minutes to a hour everyday. i’m getting myself back to pre-injury form, but even better.

the next time that doc sees me, she’s going to say that i’m PHAT. i may ask her to write it down just to be sure, though.

September 3, 2009

carb love. the good kind.

i love them. no--i lurve them!!

i love them. no--i lurve them!!

i’m in love. i just had a sandwich on an arnold sandwich thin and i think it  just may have been the best sandwich i’ve ever eaten in my entire 31 years. i don’t know what makes it 100 calories and only 1 gram of fat, i don’t even care to know. i just know that i may never have a sandwich on regular bread again. and no, i do not work for arnold. i’m just your average jane q member of the public who stumbled upon them.

i kept seeing them in my fitness magazines and last night had a dream about them. yes, oh yes, do i love my carbs. i figured since i seem to be jonesin’ for them so much, it was time to buy the little things. there was quite the hubbub about the arnold sandwich thins at walmart (my new favorite place for all things grocery). while i was stewing over whether to select the multi-grain or wheat, i had two conversations about them which other shoppers. one lady was like, “i swear by them!! and there was a coupon in sunday’s paper. you did get the coupon, didn’t you?” sadly, i missed the coupon, but decided that the $2 or so wasn’t going to break me.

i made a delightful, professional looking sandwich of deli thin, black forest ham, spicy brown mustard, lettuce and a roma tomato and OHMIGOODNESS was it delish! apparently they’re only 1 point on weight watchers, too. i’m not on weight watchers, but have started to incorporate some parts of its program into my daily eating. oh yeah–i forgot to write an entry about that–my doctor has pronounced me fat (i like to think she meant PHat) and says i need to lose at least 20-30 pounds before i even consider getting preggers. boo!! but actually, yaaaay…now that mommy has passed away, i don’t have that “tell it like it is” person in my life. my doctor filled that void the other day when she called me fat like four times. so now that i hardly have any back pain and started my workouts again,  i’ve begun the alli program. i like it so far! i have to eat well, or you know, i’ll go poo at all the wrong times and places. so yeah, another reason to love these arnold sandwich thins!!

August 28, 2009

esprit tote bags = happy memories.

i'm ready to party like it's 1989!!

i'm ready to party like it's 1989!!

i feel guilty. i bought myself something at a time when i have no good right to be buying anything other than necessities. my savings are all but depleted, i’m out of work and was recently fired because of my back injury, and as of today, still don’t know if i’m going to be able to qualify for unemployment compensation and my short term disability checks are dwindling. but doggone it, i spent $26 on myself anyhow. i logged onto eBay, saw a beautiful vintage Esprit tote bag, bid and won.

any true lover of vintage Esprit tote bags will tell you that it’s a near stroke of luck and timing to get your hands on one now. they don’t make them any more and unless you stumble upon one in an attic, basement, thrift store or get lucky on eBay, you’re not going to get one. so there i was, perusing eBay for a moment of fun and a break in my writing and saw it. hell or high water, that bag was going to be mine. these bags normally go for about $45 on eBay, and if you can find an unused one with the tags still attached, it’ll fetch about $60-$70. so for $26, i was magically at the right place at the right time and feel that that bag was meant for me. i wasn’t just buying a bag after all, i was buying nostalgia, a memory of a time since passed when everything in my life was a-okay. basically a time in my life when my biggest worry was wondering what outfit i was going to wear the next day or who i was going to sit next to at lunch. and most of all the bag reminds me of my mom.

mommy didn’t much care for the Esprit tote bag.  ”why do you need so many of these bags, cherie? they’re just cloth. you need to get yourself a nice, solid bookbag–not these things. and for goodness sakes, why do you have to get such a bright color? they’re so loud! why do you have to be so flashy?!” nope, she didn’t like them at all, but there she stood next to me at kaufmann’s while i chose the ones i wanted, and paid for them. albeit, hesitantly, but still did anyhow. and never without a big sigh or some sort of annoyed, “Just Put It On The Counter, Cherie,” sighed and shouted at me.  i was only able to get her to buy one “loud” one–a bright yellow bag with white letters. the rest were black with multi colored letters and then another black one with darker multi colored letters. she got me three in all, over the course of jr. high. she hated them, but  her desire to have me be in style was stronger than her hatred ever was.

so i can’t look at these bags without thinking of standing in that purse section at the mall with mommy. it’s one of my favorite memories, as shopping was our favorite mother-daughter bonding activity, even though we never said it and fought the whole way through. and since i had to take all of the  inheritance money she left for me and spend it on medical bills, i don’t think she would have minded that i took $26 to buy myself something. especially something that reminds me of her. though, i’m pretty sure she is looking down on me and not pleased that it’s bright red.  oops. ;-)